Invalidating feelings relationship
On the other hand, it's extremely powerful when you allow your spouse to experience his or her true feelings and validate his or her emotions. One spouse's validating attitude confirms that the other spouse has a right to feel the way he or she does.
Remember, you can validate your spouse's point of view while still possessing a different viewpoint.
These actions leave psychic and emotional wounds which leave our partners feeling rejected, ignored or judged.
What does it say about a man’s leadership ability when he makes his partner feel this way on a continuous basis? Invalidation disrupts relationships, creates emotional distance and alienation with our partners.
Other times they stop listening when they’ve gotten the information they wanted, but that’s not why your partner is talking to you…
Active listening is when you’re able to accurately repeat in your own words what it is that your partner is conveying or trying to.
It is at these times that relationships can come to an inflection point in value and how they are perceived by our partners.
While at these points are polar extremes, validating our partner on a regular and continuous basis is at the heart of any intimate relationship.
Validating is about “not only do I hear what you’re saying, but I get it, I get you.” You are in essence saying to your partner “I see you, I hear you and you and our relationship together have meaning to me.” Communication is an emotional event, especially when emotional needs or personal boundaries are at stake.
Most of us truly want to validate our spouse when he or she is frustrated or hurting, but often we don't know how to offer validation or we start to give advice.
I have usually found that if I validate Erin, she is able to work out her own emotional problems faster than if I give her advice.
Even when we disagree, validation provides a way for us to communicate the common ground between us.
Providing emotional validation shows the speaker that we’re not only accept them, but they are safe and secure in expressing themselves and their thoughts and ideas free of ridicule or disdain.